Prepare Yourself

I have three questions for you, the most attractive group of people on the Internet.
1. Is it just me, or could the city of Austin use some mayhem?
2. Is it just me, or has it been a while since I endangered the personal safety of myself and my neighbors?
3. Is it just me, or is it about damn time that a gang of unruly hooligans destroyed my home in celebration of the Gou?

I'll answer all of those with a fourth question: Uhhh, Goulash Tricentennial anyone?

Fools better recognize that the Tricentennial is coming soon, and not even Santa Claus has enough power to stop it. By my count, we're at entry 269 right now, meaning I've got about 6 more weeks before I can stock up on Pine Sol and put the people at Poison Control on red alert. Let's answer a few questions about the Tricentennial, since some people may be unfamiliar with this tradition.

Q: What is the Tricentennial, some sort of lame ass tickle-party?
A: A party to celebrate my 300th entry on Goulash. I've previously hosted parties for both the Centennial and the Bicentennial, and they have been progressively cooler/more terrifying. I see no reason why we can't top ourselves this time and get someone deported or accidentally maimed.

Q: Where is this game of grab-ass going to be held?
A: Obviously the first choice is the Governor's mansion. Should our reservation not be honored there, I would guess my apartment.

Q: I suppose only fellow homosexuals will be invited?
A: All readers of Goulash are invited, except those that are incarcerated or intent on killing me. Email me for details as the date approaches.

Q: You don't honestly think I'm going all the way to Austin to hang out with a bunch of weinerbiscuits, do you?
A: I've thought about this a lot, and I think I came up with a good plan of attack for those of you who can't make it to Austin. On the day of the event, drink a bottle of Thunderbird and head for the bus station. When you wake up in a foreign dungeon and begin to plead frantically to speak to someone at the American embassy, congratulate yourself on a thoroughly realistic Tricentennial experience.

The date is still up in the air. Like I said, it'll be around 6 weeks from now, so the options are Sept. 24 or Oct. 1. If you have an opinion, let it loose in the comments section. If you have no opinion, then take long look in the mirror and ask yourself just what kind of lame-o you've become.

Posted by Cody at August 9, 2004 6:00 PM