The Executive Branch in Action

Man, I discovered a veritable comedic goldmine last night while poking around the White House website. They have a section on there called Ask the White House, where people can send it questions to be answered by people from the administration. While it's well-known just how much American citizens ask of our public servants, I wasn't aware of the issues they had to struggle with until I read some of these questions.

Walter Scheib, White House Chef
Fred, from Flint, Michigan writes:
If you were having a hot dog, what would you put on it - ketchup? mustard? Relish? All of the above? I think that mustard is best. Not ketchup!!!!!!!

Sally, from Alexandria, Virginia writes:
In your many years as a chef - how many times have people sent food back to the kitchen? How do you handle such situations? I recently sent food back at a DC-area restaurant and was surprised how accomodating the chef was...he fixed the problem right away - AND WITH A SMILE!

Blake Gottesman, Special Assistant to the President and Personal Aide
Nathan, from Indiana writes:
Is President Bush allowed to grow a mustache? If so, I think he should consider it. I believe he would increase his image by at least 45 percent by doing so.

Roland Mesnier, White House Pastry Chef
Anukul, from Pittsburgh, PA writes:
Does the Secret Service prevent you from serving flaming desserts: crpes suzette, bananas foster, etc.,?

Orlando, from NJ writes:
I can't get my dough to rise. How should I get sweet dough to rise, to make huge delicious cinnamon rolls?

Tom Sansonetti, Assistant Attorney General, Environment and Natural Resources Division
Reese, from Casper writes:
Mr. Sansonetti There are substantive rumors that there are vast coal deposits on the Moon. Do you believe the discovery of moon-based coal would have a negative affect on Wyoming's economy (as Wyoming is the top coal producer)?
If so, how much of your day is spent on this problem? Can I, as a Wyoming citizen, assist you in this pending crisis?

Not only are these people subjected to Dick Cheney's purple nurples, but they have to endure these questions as well. Government employees, Goulash salutes you!

In other news, I made quite a discovery today. It seems that my phone number at work spells out BIZ EGG A. There are a lot of things I could do with this number, but I think the obvious action is to use it to create an Egg Supply empire. Sure, your local Mom and Pop egg shops are nice and all, but can they handle your global B2B egg demands? When the Easter Bunny needs eggs, he'll call BIZ EGG A. When an eccentric billionaire wants to create the world's largest birthday cake, he'll load up at BIZ EGG A. And when we run out of bullets defending ourselves from alien invaders, our slingshots will be full of eggs from BIZ EGG A. Get on board or get out of the way, world economy!