September 7, 2004

A Lesson in Unwanted Marketing

Man, what is going on with the comment spam on this site? I hate to be the one to break it to the folks using the comments to advertise, but most people come to this site for Britney Spears sex stories, not for herbal bust enhancers. Even if you people were here to get your boobs biggified, would you respond to the pitches these fools are using? Here's an example, copied verbatim from the most recent spam in the comments:

"Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat." prozac

Exactly what is being sold there: crazy penguin anecdotes, or prozac? Maybe it's a bundle deal, or prozac for people who love crazy penguin anecdotes. Whatever the case, if this gent really wants to supplant the cashier at the bus terminal as my favorite dealer of anti-depressants, he's going to have to come up with something a little better than whatever that was. Working along the same lines, here's what I formulated.

"Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. In fact, I bet a penguin would have a pretty tough time even figuring out how to turn a computer on, unless it's quack enabled. The same statement can be applied to microwaves, Tivos, and electric dulceimers: all useless without a quack-enabler. In light of this, you have to wonder, 'How can I, the timid penguin of corporate America, quack enable the WORLD?' Let me tell you, it gets a lot easier with your new best friend, prozac."

Bang, instant millions! Coincidentally, I get an email everytime someone comments on the site, so my email has been weinerbiscuited to Warsaw and back over the past few days because of all these comments. Rather than come up with some complicated scheme to fix that, I've taken to just deleting all of the email I receive. Yes, I put a lot of thought into that one. Anyway, if you've sent me something important over the past week and I haven't responded, please resend, then blame the deranged penguin sedaters of the internet.

Posted by Cody at September 7, 2004 6:18 PM
Comments

You know, you could always switch to blogging software that has a comment spam filter. Like, say, NewsBruiser (newsbruiser.tigris.org).

Posted by: Brendan at September 8, 2004 9:57 AM

so that's why you never answer your mother. I think it's just a copout!

Posted by: at September 8, 2004 11:33 AM

Brendan: you're a nerd. I have been considering something like this, though.

Anonymous: I'll have to ask you to stay out of the email between me and my mom.

Posted by: Cody at September 8, 2004 6:20 PM