My enemy list is rather lengthy. If I've ever met you in real life, the odds are pretty good your name is on there. Anything from looking at me cock-eyed to hogging all of the midget pickles will assure you of a spot, but it takes some real doing to get to the top of the list. If you were to burn my house down, that'd probably move you to the top. If you were to pee in a cup and throw it at me, that would also move you to the top of the list. Finally, if you were to sit outside of Cisco Junior College, right where the speed limit changes, and wait for fancy city slickers like Cody Wayne Maxwell Powell to drive by, so you can pull them over and write them a ticket for an exorbitant amount of money, the #1 spot would be all yours. In case you're not putting the pieces together, allow me to state definitively that I have found my mortal foes in the Police Department of Cisco, Texas.
I don't want to get into the story; it's still too painful. All I can say is, $140 for 58 in a 45? I hope the citizens of Cisco enjoy the city's new retractable dome roof to which I apparently will soon be making the first payment. For that kind of dough, you guys also better be getting Def Leppard to play at the opening ceremonies. And when Def Leppard sees the amount of money involved, they'll say, "For that kind of dough, we'll play naked." The mayor of Cisco will be intrigued for a moment, then say, "Nah, that's not necessary." Def Leppard will nod in agreement, all the while thinking, "Screw it, we're doing it anyway!" So really, this story has a happy ending.
Dean Zyvarb had his going away party on Saturday, and as one might expect, I made my presence known. I think I came up with a pretty good rule of thumb for determining how drunk a person is: the drunker you are, the more fascinating you find conspiracy theories. In case you doubt that, I'd like to point out that I used a control for that little experiment, so the whole thing is scientifically valid. In this instance, the control were all of the people on Saturday who looked at me and then said, "What the hell is that idiot yelling about?" If that little gem doesn't get the Nobel Committee's attention, then the Illuminati really ARE behind everything.Posted by Cody at September 6, 2004 7:29 PM