I don't mean to get everybody's panties in a bunch, but I'm thinking of doing a run of themed entries soon. My first idea for a theme: the lost classics of Chilean erotica. The only problem is that subject is a little too broad for one website to cover, no matter how many entries I devoted. So, I'm going to be doing something next week that ties in to the upcoming Austin City Limits music festival. It's going to be so sweet, it'll give you a cavity, leading to the following awkward conversation.
Dentist: Good gravy, I've never seen such rotten teeth! Have you been brushing your teeth with cake frosting?
You: No, but I've been living on Goulash for the past year.
Dentist: That's disgusting.
You: No, it's a website, you see.
Dentist: A web-what? Are you a witch? Nurse, bring me some rope, a buttload of wood, and a barrel of holy water!
Author's note: it's highly doubtful that such an individual could successfully operate a dental practice, but I like to get creative with these things.
For some reason, Marlboro invited me to a Cowboy Breakfast thing they're having in town on Saturday. Not being one to hog all the fun, I have elected to drag Eric to this, as it will be his birthday. There a lot of questions related to this event, the two foremost being "What the hell is a cowboy breakfast?" and "How did I get invited to one?" From what I can figure, a cowboy breakfast is a chance for a group of manly men to sit around eating omelettes from a dead bull's skull and talking about tobaccy. And I have absolutely no idea how I got invited to this, since I'm not a smoker, a cowboy, or a breakfast eater. All I can think is that Marlboro got their hands on the tasteful series of nude sketches I made of the Marlboro Man, and said, "We want to be in the Cody Powell business!"
More than all of that though, I have to wonder how far we're going to go with this cowboy thing. Am I allowed to engage the waiter in a shoot out if he doesn't bring my orange juice quick enough? If I happen to kill a Comanche in the bathroom, will I be encouraged or disdained? And for the love of god, what's their stance on cattle rustling? This cowpoke demands answers.
Posted by Cody at September 8, 2004 6:16 PMhow'd they get your address? my random guess would be the nambla mailing list
Posted by: xyz at September 8, 2004 6:21 PMI guess I should bring my gun in case we come across any carpetbaggers.
Posted by: Danza at September 8, 2004 9:13 PMxyz: Someone's jealous because he got blackballed from the local chapter.
danza: that's the spirit. Nothing says happy b day like a trumped up murder charge.
Posted by: Cody at September 8, 2004 9:53 PMThey invited you precisely because you're not a smoker. There's going to be so much nicotine in those omelettes that you'll be hooked for life. If you see old men stuffing their cheeks full of that so called breakfast instead of eating it don't say I didn't warn you. Also watch out for the orange juice strainer, its really a bundle of used filters and don't even get me started on whats in the tea bags.
Posted by: Diana at September 9, 2004 10:56 AMFrom that, I can only conclude that this will be the first breakfast ever to feature spitoons. God, I'm excited.
Posted by: Cody at September 9, 2004 6:29 PM