Can you believe the US presidential election is only a month and a half away? You mean we only have 6 more weeks to collectively freak-out about the validity of Purple Hearts and the implications of proportional spacing on National Guard memos? And while we're processing all of that crap, we also must deal with Macaulay Culkin getting arrested for wacky tobaccy possession and Britney Spears getting married to the night manager of the Dairy Queen? It's just too much! There is only so much attention to go around! I, for one, long for that gray November morn when I can walk in to my closest polling place, write in Andre the Giant for every office, and put this whole thing behind me.
I guess my deal is that I don't understand all of the zealotry that's surrounding this election. To me, the Kerry versus Bush decision is like being kidnapped by a gang of sexual deviants and then being forced to choose whether I'd like to be violated by a butternut squash or a roto-tiller; even if I get the slightly more appealing option, I'll still need sedatives and a happy place to get through it all. That is not to say the last election, or any other in recent memory, was different. At least then, things were less scary, and so the incompetence on display was kind of cute, in the little-kid-trying-to-put-on-his-own-Halloween-makeup way. I could just sit on the couch then and say, "So you're supposed to be the President of the United States? Awww... get the little guy some Baby Ruths."
It's tougher to do that this year, mainly because everyone involved is completely insane. Not insane as in pleasantly eccentric and fun to laugh at, but insane as in you better check your shoes for your poop if you happen to disagree with them over Medicare. Even more than that, the world is completely insane. I'm pretty sure the Israelis and Palestinians would see the Corey Haim v. Corey Feldman argument as complete justification to bomb the hell out of each other. It's complicated, and I think most of us on the periphery of this debacle have no idea what to do; I know I certainly don't.
Still, no matter what happens, there's still hope. There have to be at least thirty people in this country who've yet to mess their britches from Republican/Democrat mania; even if we all vote Andre the Giant this year, I have to believe that we'll get noticed eventually. Sure, our actions will probably be interpreted as a mandate for more bushy-haired giants in huge tunics, but I say we take what we can get.
Posted by Cody at September 22, 2004 6:39 PM