RIP, Summer

The Tricentennial is less than two weeks away, and all I want to do is dance. However, that ain't happening since my ankles are all swollen up from a scorpion attack that occurred last night. Let there be no doubt that I will defend my Perfect Strangers tapes against all threats: animal, insect, and fungi.

I guess the summer is coming to an end. Living in Texas, one wouldn't think so, since it's still roughly five zillion degrees Celsius. I've talked to people from other locations though, and they assure me that the weather does indeed change around this time of year. In describing these changes, they've used words completely unfamiliar to me, words like "autumn", "wind", and "long underwear". I responded with typical disbelief, saying, "Oh, and I suppose the Abominable Snowman presides over this carnival of seasons? And I can only assume it's his magical slobber that causes all of the leaves to change colors. You are an idiot and a liar, and if I ever hear such rubbish coming from your mouth again, I will light all of your cherished possessions on fire." It has come to my attention that the previous statement may've been out of line. For that, I apologize.

But anyway, in the event that the summer does come to an end soon, I feel like it should be commemorated somehow, considering how good it was. Vegas, two beach trips, a little Mexican fandango, numerous near drownings out on the river, then ACL last weekend: it all constituted shenanigans worthy of a light-hearted teen sex romp. As a fitting tribute, I'm leaning towards a statue of Darth Vader in his bath suit. I'm not sure how complicated it is to commission a statue like that, and I really have no idea where to start with importing all of the marble it's going to take to complete the thing. However, if it takes my last breath, I will see to it that this summer is honored. Summer of Cody, represent!