Aww snap, I'm starting Goulash a lot later than usual because of some work stuff I had to do tonight. You probably thought I conveniently forgot to do it, but no, the only thing I conveniently forget about is my sense of decency. And how many feet are in a mile. I could save myself one google search a month by tattooing 5280 on my forearm. But really, if I tattooed every unit of measurement I can't remember on my body, I'd be like some sort of flesh covered measuring cup. I'd probably get no props for that in prison whatsoever. And how often do I convert furlongs to nautical miles anyway? A lot, yeah, so I should probably just go ahead and do it.
To all of the Hungarians: what the crap? So you find some illegally imported paprika, and all of a sudden, Goulash is a great health risk? Only in Hungary could something this inane happen; there's a reason your country is known as Romania Light. What do you want me, the world's 3rd leading resource on Goulash, to do? If you're thinking I'll share my paprika reserves with you, you better think again. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not some paprika baron who can bail out an Eastern European nation with my secret stash everytime something goes awry; no sir, I buy my spices one ounce at a time, just like everyone else.
Hungary is an important part of the world economy, putting out a lot of fake Rolexes, machine guns, and underground porn. If something happens to Hungarian exports because of the goulash drought, the cheap, violent perverts of the country are going to go insane. Trust me, that is one group we do not want rioting out in the streets. Has anyone heard if either of the presidential candidates have a plan to address this disaster? Perhaps someone could tell Bush and Kerry that a few of us have larger concerns than Social Security and Medicare. In case they haven't noticed, my google ranking has nothing to do with either of those. Let's get something going here; it's beginning to make me look bad.
Posted by Cody at October 27, 2004 9:29 PM