Have I mentioned yet that in about two months, I'll be going back to Vegas? Yes, apparently neither my money nor my dignity is precious to me, so I'm heading out west again to freely distribute them to blackjack dealers and transvestite hookers. Wait, I got that wrong so let me clarify: I won't be frequenting any transvestite hookers while out in Vegas. I am, however, expecting that I'll be forced into service as one immediately after my credit card gets cut to shreds by some bastard of a pit boss. There's just no way I'm getting around that. Luckily, as the commercials say, what happens in Vegas as a temporary tranny hooker, stays in Vegas. AM I RIGHT, FELLAS??!
Lest I get carried away, the trip to Vegas isn't all fun; I have a goal to achieve. The past few months, I've been thinking of projects on which I could collaborate with Fat Elvis. At first, I thought I could ghost write his autobiography. You get the best of both worlds then: Fat Elvis's name on the cover, and my sparkling prose on the pages. And if I got a go on that project, I would NOT shy away from the more delicate subject matter. Orgies, ganglang executions, dog fighting rings: if Fat Elvis experienced, it'd be in the book in uncomfortably graphic detail. It wouldn't all be Fat Elvis in Sunday school, if you get my drift.
But then I got to thinking that there's a little more to the Fat Elvis legend than just his life history. Yeah, let's get creative with this. If you were a superhero, wouldn't an aging, obese Elvis imitator in Vegas be the best alter ego? By day, he's Las Vegas's beloved Fat Elvis, entertaining audiences for 10 minute stretches at a time. Then, by night, the fat suit comes off and he's transformed into the criminal underground's worst freaking nightmare, the Rockabilly Renegade. The Rockabilly Renegade gyrates his enemies into paralysis, and then he stomps them to death with his blue suede shoes. Move over, Batman, Superman, and all those Pokemon guys; the Rockabilly Renegade has come to boogie woogie on your graves. (I'm thinking it'd be either be a comic book or a series of ultra-violent silhouettes.)
If anyone wants to help me turn the preceding paragraph into a PowerPoint show for Fat Elvis, please let me know. We only get one chance here, so let's try not to f it up!
Posted by Cody at November 11, 2004 6:27 PM