Thanksgiving Wrap Up

Hey, remember when I said yesterday that I was experiencing intense pain because I foolishly attempted to do something physical over the weekend? Well, it's a billion times worse today. It's so bad that, at quitting time today, I doubted my ability to walk out to the parking lot. Thinking quickly, I offered to pay a coworker $20 to crash my car through the window in my office, throw me in the back, and then drive me home. But no, some people don't believe in helping out the less fortunate around the holidays, so I had to walk all 50 ft on my own. It wasn't easy. I blacked out halfway through and woke up an hour later in some family's garage, covered in dirt, squeezing their mops for dear life. I'd say it wasn't one of my prouder moments, but then there have been so many of them, it's hard to gauge.

I didn't mention it yesterday, but I had kind of a grown up Thanksgiving. Over the past few years, I occasionally had a girlfriend around Thanksgiving, but I never did anything with her on the holiday, usually because she was either a stuffed animal or she was just getting out of rehab. But this year, I didn't let any of those excuses get in my way. "If the shakes get too bad, I'll just stuff her with turkey until she goes to sleep," I resolved. Luckily, it never came to that. Instead, we just had a good, normal time, which leads me to think a piano will be dropped on my head any day now.

Actually, there was no reason to worry. When I told the fam I'd be bringing a girl to Thanksgiving, they were probably expecting that I'd pick up a hitch hiker on the way there and try to pass her off as my lady. Then they'd catch her trying to establish a terrorist splinter group in my grandmother's closet and I'd be stripped of my pumpkin pie priviledges for years to come. Devastated, I'd stand in front of all of the desserts and plead, "How do you know she's not one of the good terrorists? She could terrorize on behalf of abused puppies!" Hardly any of that happened though, so I count as a complete triumph. Like I said, we had a good time.