The Jaleel White Conundrum

In the past two days, almost 400 people have found this site by searching google for "jaleel white gay". God, I'm surprised it only took a year and half for this site to turn into #1 source of Steve Urkel inneundo. Jaleel White Legal Team, I have no idea what's going on here. May the record show that I admire Jaleel White as an entertainer and as a gentleman, regardless of his sexual orientation. And no matter how the Internet clamors, I shall abstain from adding to the white-hot debate regarding Mr. White's legacy of love. Some things are sacred in this life, such as my role as Treasurer in the Central Texas Legion of Family Matters Enthusiasts.

I have to wonder if this is like when the Beatles put out the White Album and it started a rumor that Paul McCartney was dead. Is it possible that Jaleel White, in an attempt to salvage his career, put out a hip hop single with some insinuations about his fondness for man-on-man loving? Can someone get me in touch with Ludicrous or Chingy so I can verify this? I used to have the Instant Messenger screennames for both, back before the incident. I don't want to get into it, but some words were said, some frowny emoticons were expressed, and then I unceremoniously removed them both from my buddy list. Hip hop impresario or not, NO ONE disses on the Dirty South in my presence. (No idea what I'm talking about here. Chingy could be a Sailor Moon character for all I know.)

I won't spread any rumors about Jaleel White's sexual preferences, but I will spread facts. What I'm thinking here is that a loyal reader of Goulash could take one for the team and attempt to seduce him. Male, female, it doesn't matter as long as there's some substantiation. If we get a volunteer, we could probably even take up a collection here on the site to get you two a room at the Days Inn. Or, at the very least, someone may lend you a tent that you could take to a camp ground. Whatever happens is between you, Steve, and a bunch of Internet pervs. Let's not all volunteer at once.