Absolute Last Funeral Entry

Well, we went and did the funeral thing today for my grandfather. It was a really nice service, aside from the fact that it apparently took place in Antarctica. I could've been delusional from the hypothermia, but I swear the Abominable Snowman played Taps at the end.

A cold front blew into Dallas last night, so I had every expectation of a chilly, blustery day up at the cemetary. I thought I could handle it, though. I mean, I wore pants and a jacket and everything; I didn't show up in a thong and a vest. Nevertheless, I had to check several times throughout the service to make sure that I hadn't inadvertently shown up naked, as all of my appendages slowly froze and then shattered into little places, like Robert Patrick in Terminator 2. Yes, it was cold out there, but I blame a frosted posterior for all of the agony.

Being part of the family, I had to sit up front with my mom and dad on these little concrete benches. I didn't know this, but apparently concrete is the world's greatest preserver of coldness. I don't see why I'm spending all of this money on an air conditioner when I could just install a concrete bench in my living room. I would also invest in a snow shovel, to clear away the blizzards caused by my concrete bench. To offset those expenses, I could probably set up some sort of caribou/polar bear habitat for which I could charge a hefty admission fee. As soon as I can find some resources on training polar bears to use a litter box, I'm taking a one way trip down to Easy Street.

Anyway, like I said, the funeral was nice, as much as one can be. One neat thing that's come from all of this is the discovery of a great aunt in Austin who lives essentially right down the street from me. The rest of her family lives in Austin, too. I can only hope this discovery will lead to the formation of a Powell family football team. If they're anything like me, I predict a vicious fistfight to determine who gets to be scorekeeper.