Channeling my Tiny Tim

I finished my Christmas shopping today at lunch. I got so terrified when I drove by the mall parking lot, I ended up just stopping at a dumpster and grabbing a bunch of stuff out there for gifts. I hope someone asked Santa for a broken rake and lots of expired cream cheese! Actually, that's probably better than what I was going to buy. What child doesn't dream of waking up on a majestic winter morn and finding, under the tree, a cream cheese stick ball set of his very own, waiting just for him? It's straight out of Dickens!

I don't know what my posting schedule will be like during the holidays. If a while goes by without anything here, assume I've been kidnapped by a gang of ruthless snowmen and initiate some negotiations. If their demands are outrageous, round up an army of Turkish mercenaries and take their compound by force. Out of my respect for my wishes not to die, please shy away from using bullets during the liberation, and instead shoot hot tea at the enemy.

Allright sir, it's time to continue my neverending feature on my favorite music of 2004.

2. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, "Shake the Sheets"
For the past couple of years, I've liked Ted Leo a lot, but I haven't trusted him. That is to say, with each new release, I expected equal parts bizarre sea shanties/korean doowop and rock-out masterpieces. With "Shake the Sheets", he finally got the consistency thing down. Not to brag, but I did help out a little bit. How? Well, first I infiltrated the recording studio where they were recording this CD; I disguised myself as a Cockney porridge vendor. Then, after each take, I would commandeer the intercom and say, "Shoot for the stars, Teddy Bear!" No amount of pepper spray could discourage me from my mission. Did my plan work? You tell me. By you, I mean myself, and so I answer in the affirmative.