First, make sure you saw yesterday's Goulash, which didn't get uploaded until this morning, due to complications with this infernal contraption. Once Claude's lawyer okays the contract (and I can get enough aroma therapy candles with which to pay him), Claude's Corner will probably become a regular feature around these parts.
Man, search engines are weird. One month, you're the washed-up former top result for goulash, and the next, you're the best source for Jaleel White sexuality rumors on the Internet. Luckily, his career is at a high point, so it's not completely ridiculous or anything like that. Anyway, because of this perplexing turn of events, it seems like it'd be a good time to do another installment of Top Search Terms Investigated, where I look through my referrer logs and alienate everyone reads the site. More than I usually do, I mean.
The top three search terms people used to get here in November were: goulash, jaleel white gay, jaleel white 2004. The first one, I understand. I've been dishing out the quality goods for 18 months now and the people still yearn for more. Okay, I may not be number one any more, but I've had people come up to me in the supermarket and say, "Forget Google; you are number one in my heart!" Yes, it was my grandmother and it did raise quite a ruckus in the produce aisle, but she said it with real passion. Number two is a little more confusing, but I've covered it in such depth, it's taking my life over. I'm like Nicholas Cage in that movie 8mm, where I'm getting sucked into the seamy underbelly of the sitcom star universe. I've got to get out while I still can, before I start sending lewd emails to John Stamos. And I don't know anything about Jaleel White in 2004, except that 768 looked to me determine if he's gay.
The next three terms are britney spears sex stories, jaleel white homosexual, and hand turkeys. If those three things grouped together doesn't make you want to weep from happiness, you need to check your tear ducts. I like to imagine all three at the same time. Jaleel White is out on a romantic evening with a swarthy looking Latino man. He gazes into his companion's eyes longingly and begins to reach over the table for a smoocheroo, when Britney Spears bursts through the door, nude and looking for love. "Jaleel, I want you!" she cries. Bewildered and uncomfortable, Jaleel holds up his napkin and says, "Uhh, how about we make some hand turkeys?"
Posted by Cody at December 2, 2004 7:05 PM