I'm going to Vegas in a few days. In case you haven't noticed, I've been pounding this into the ground on the past few entries; that's because I can only concentrate on one thing per week. Anyway, here are a few casino do's and don'ts that I thought I, Maximillion von Vegaswertzer, high roller extraordinaire, would share with you.
Do take advantage of the free drinks offered while you're gambling at a table. Nothing tells the dealer you mean business like drinking chocolate milk from a swirly straw.
Don't stop the action on the table to learn the rules of the game. Instead, impress your fellow gamblers by announcing "I'm about to show you buttholes a thing or two," and then flinging all of your chips at the nearest spinning object.
Do remember that you are on vacation, and try to have fun with the whole thing. If you are European, this means you are well within your rights to gamble in the nude.
Don't forget your math while you're betting. Remember, high bets times high odds equals ENORMOUS PAYOUT!
Do assume that everyone you meet inside the casino is a prostitute. In the unlikely event you are incorrect, most people find it flattering when asked how much it is to fornicate with them.
Don't be scared to confront the pit boss if you think something is fishy. Remember, you're an AAA member and that means something around these parts.Posted by Cody at January 5, 2005 11:46 PM