First, someone please distribute the following message to the blackjack dealers in Vegas: you folks better have enough cards to play like 10 or 11 hands next week, because this high roller is hitting the tables.
Earlier this week, I flirted with the idea of growing a beard. It seemed like a wise precaution, since one of the pit bosses could see me and say, "Hey, isn't that the guy who took us for $40 back in June?" So, I went a few days without shaving, just to test the waters. When I woke up this morning, I looked like a creepy Croatian softball coach. I would almost certainly be shot by the National Guard if I tried to board a plane looking like that, so I shaved it off this morning.
I didn't shave it off all at a time, but in pieces. First, I made it so that I had mutton chops and a goatee. With such a look, I couldn't help but pretend I was selling cable descramblers out of my living room. For effect, I whispered to my cat, "You want the Disney channel?" When I tired of that, I shaved off the goatee part, leaving just the chops. I became a different character entirely with this look, a down-on-his-luck garbage man. I rolled the sleeves up on my shirt and began strutting around my apartment, saying, "I got a job working for the city, boy!"
By that time, I was already late for work, so I hastily shaved the rest off and went about my day. If I'm going to deceive anyone in Vegas with my appearance, I'm going to have to look as if I know what I'm doing.Posted by Cody at January 4, 2005 7:21 PM