Boxed wine is a very tricky proposition. It brings with it both great peaks and terrible valleys. Just a few drinks in, you realize what you have in your hands. "This, this is AWESOME," you wildly declare. Fast forward a couple of hours. Suddenly, you find yourself on the couch, your teeth red like a vampire's, a single tear running down your cheek as you watch a Rayven Simone music video on the Disney Channel. Much like climbing a mountain, it's not the trip up, but the descent that gets you. That is why, continuing with the mountain climbing analogy, you need a sherpa when undertaking such a tremendous act.
Okay, so what are the duties of a boxed wine sherpa? First, and most importantly, is spill clean-up. Spilling red wine on the carpet is bad enough. Spilling red wine that came from a box is particularly bad, since the wine will eat through the foundation of your house and into the crust of the earth. Suddenly, there's lava flowing all over your living room and a tectonic plate is crushing your loveseat. Not good, plus you just wasted like 14 cents of vino. A secondary responsibility for the sherpa is sawing your limbs off in case of frostbite.
Having identified the need for a boxed wine sherpa, where can these individuals be found? Well, much like Tibet with traditional sherpas, the train yard is literally crawling with qualified individuals. Just going around, poking these gentlemen in the back. When you find one with some meat on his bones, toss the box at him and say, "Saddle the yaks immediately and meet me at base camp. Tonight, we climb."
Posted by Cody at January 23, 2005 7:16 PM