Jump Suit Junction

For once, I have something wonderful to share with you regarding my trips on the bus today. Today, when I was coming back from school, a mid 20s couple got on the bus and stood over next to me. I looked at them for a second and then thought, "Hey, they're wearing matching shirts." And then I looked a second longer and thought, "Wait, those are matching jumpsuits!" Five seconds later, "WITH MATCHING SHOES!" It was almost too much for me to bear. It was all I could do not to pull on the Please Stop cord and throw myself into oncoming traffic.

On MTV before, I've seen rappers who have jumpsuits that match their shoes; I liked the look, and I gave it a solid A-. Never did I think I'd ever come into contact with someone like that, though. That's largely because I am lame and white, thus most people around me are lame and white. Forget about seeing two people dressed like that, on the same day, riding the bus, holding hands and whispering to each other. It makes sense, though; your clothing coordination is racking up a bill like that, public transportation is the only affordable option. You know you've got it together when you can wear something like that while maintaining some fiscal responsibility.

Anyway, after I noticed all of this and recovered from the subsequent dizzy spell, I couldn't stop thinking what it'd be like if I had, by accident, worn the exact same thing. (Let's assume for one moment my wardrobe consists of more than 4 t-shirts, all of which are stained by horsey sauce from Arby's). I see three possibilities. The first, and most likely, is that they'd see me and immediately begin looking for another bus. That's fine, I won't begrudge them such weinerbiscuitry. The second is they board and then ignore me when I walk over and begin planning tomorrow's wardrobe for all of us. The third is they board, I see what they're wearing, I become enraged, and then I strip my jumpsuit + shoes off and throw the clothes at them. I then finish my bus ride in disgrace, clad only in my underwear.

I realize I'd have to buy one of these jumpsuits and then sit on the bus all day, every day, in order to figure out what would happen here. No one ever said being awesome would be easy, though.