Hey turkeys. If you noticed a bitter edge to the salutation, it's because SOMEONE'S DVR (a Tivo-like device) didn't record the end of Arrested Development on Sunday. Time Warner, if you want to provide crappy products and services like that, I suggest you focus solely on leper colonies and the state of Mississippi, not the mean streets of Austin, TX. And I don't want to see you trying to sneak in here by claiming that Austin has a leper colony. If it does, I'll just go ahead and set up a cable company specifically for the lepers in Austin. Our slogan? "Service that won't cause your parts to rot, at least not any quicker than the current rate!"
I had a mildly terrifying episode on the Capital Metro bus yesterday. I had ridden back from class to where I had parked, and as I got off and walked towards my car, I heard footsteps behind me. Since I wasn't prepared to give over my money without a token amount of defense, I got ready to soil myself. I know, it's an unorthodox fighting style, but I've found other people are far less likely to rifle through my pockets immediately afterwards. Anyway, when I got to the car, I turned around and saw my would-be attacker.
He was an old man, with only a few teeth. "Hey boy, you got 60 cents? I want some KFC," he said. He seemed like a character, and I'm always willing to give money to characters. I didn't have any money, though. "Sorry, I'm tapped out," I said. This man didn't care. "I want some popcorn chicken and mashed potatoes and a butter roll," he declared. "Good luck, but I can't help you," I told him. He paused a moment. "You know what?" he said, looking profound. I sensed some wisdom coming on, maybe something about man's duty to humankind. I had found the Confucius of the KFC parking lot; I got ready to commit his next line to memory. "You know what?" he said again, "I want two butter rolls."
I shook myself loose, got in my car, and drove away. Shortly thereafter, I proceeded to enter the drive-through at KFC and buy up every single one of their butter rolls. I didn't give them to that guy, nor did I eat them. Instead, I ran them over several times with my car, and then set them on fire. NO ONE gets butter rolls when my time is wasted.
Posted by Cody at February 2, 2005 6:37 PM