Rather than putting together some sort of cohesive, grand Super Bowl entry, here are a few thoughts I had while watching the game.
1. So, we all remember last year's half time show, when Janet Jackson mentally scarred us all with her crazy boob jewelry. What are the odds that this year's half time performer, Paul McCartney, will try to top her? I see his pants just spotaneously flying off midway through the first song. Let us hope that, unlike last year, we will not see a piercing.
2. Apparently, there's a sequel coming out for that Vin Diesel movie, XXX. This time, though, the star of the show will be Ice Cube, not Vin Diesel. I don't buy Ice Cube as an action star, largely because he's like 5'3". The only way they could pull this off is if the villains in the movies are a band of hemophiliacs and the dwarf from Carnivale.
3. The Patriots have a player with the last name of Gay. Why is this man not a homosexual icon? In my opinion, strutting around in a Gay jersey is a much better statement that putting some lame rainbow sticker on your car. The downside is that Patriots fans would start getting solicited a lot more. Nonetheless, I stand behind this idea.
4. Donovan McNabb just ran a play with his helmet unbuckled. I think that emphasizes the difference between most NFL players and myself. Those guys can go out there and play without a secured helmet, whereas I won't even enter the stadium unless I'm in some sort of foam-insulated bubble equipped with an IV of morphine.
5. My plan all year was to count how many times the word 'football' was spoken during the game tonight. It's the second quarter, and I'm already in need of a supercomputer to crunch the numbers. If this game goes into overtime, I'll bet heavily that Cris Collinsworth strips down to his underwear and says football over and over again until his mic is cut.
6. I just read something amazing in one of Peter King's Super Bowl columns on SI.com. In said column (too lazy to locate link), he claimed that everyone considered the coach of the Patriots, Bill Belichik, to be the biggest genius since Einstein. If you ask me, that's a great comparison. Is there anything more similar to bossing around millionaires than discovering that gravity is a consequence of curvature of space-time? It's a travesty that the Nobel Committee has refused to honor Mr. Belichik's accomplishments. Kudos and kudos again to Peter King.
7. Who would win in an actual battle between a patriot and an eagle? I'm tempted to say patriot, since they could carry guns. However, the bald eagle is the national bird, and thus bound to be revered by patriots. Thus, the eagle could easily swoop down and peck the patriot's eyes out; the patriot would probably even consider it an honor. Of course, the entire situation changes if the patriot refers to that Mel Gibson movie, "The Patriot". In the director's cut, Mel's character gives a 15 minute monologue on how nothing soothes his soul like throwing a tomahawk at a baby eagle. I guess it all depends on how much angst the eagles of the world carry against Mr. Gibson.
Enough of this, some of us have hot dogs to eat.
Posted by Cody at February 6, 2005 7:41 PM