Is That a Contest I Hear?

I declared yesterday I would soon win a contest, and then I went out and won a contest. It was not my office NCAA pool, but instead a contest that Shawn was running over at iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com, which is one of my favorite sites on the web. I triumphed not because I promised to write the preceding statement on my site, nor because I promised Shawn first crack at my sister once she got cured off the sauce. Instead, it was because I have a talent, nay a gift, when it comes to recommending music. Making music? Not so much; for further proof, I direct you to the reviews I received when I filled in for Toby Keith's washboard player. Not only did an enraged and humiliated Toby Keith swing a microphone stand at my head that night, but the NY Times then proceeded to liken my playing style to musical necrophilia. This is neither here nor there.

What is both here and there is that I won two free songs off of iTunes. As part of my undying love for contests, I've decided to offer one of these downloads to you, the good people of the Internet. In order to win it, simply suggest the worst conceivable song on which I could spend my free iTunes credit. The song must truly be horrible, something that could, though its sheer awfulness, cause me to spontaneously suffer from stigmata whenever I hear it. Also, it must be available through iTunes. Also, it must be performed by albinos (I'm flexible on this one).

Make your suggestions in the comments, and I'll pick a winner Thursday night. In the event no one suggests anything, I'll then comb through the referrer logs and start picking you off one by one. I make a dangerous enemy; enter the contest or face the consequences.