Woowee, I've got nothing today, folks. I had a really long day of work and I was considering mailing today's entry in, but then I made the smartest decision of my life: I checked the visitor logs for this site. Following are a list of search terms people used to get here in just the last day, along with my incredibly witty take on each.
karate monkey surly. A surly monkey is bad news, as I recently read a news story about a surly chimp who tore off a guy's nose. Now imagine if that chimp knew karate. Sweet bearded Jesus, you've signed your death warrant.
I love nachos. I don't even know what to say here, except that someone has come to the right place. If I were to become really rich, I'd go on a year-long nacho bender. I'd lock myself in my personal fortress and wander the halls with a shotgun, some jalepenos, and refried beans smeared all over my chest.
about voodoo witch doctors. There's a lot of material to cover here, so I'll give you the broad overview. Voodoo witch doctors wear necklaces made of bone and raise zombies from the dead, often through the use of chicken blood. Pretty much the worst thing on earth would be to anger a voodoo witch doctor who happened to be a surly karate monkey.
nigerian convicts with jaguars. I hope they're talking about jaguars the animals, because that's pretty much the most frightening concept ever. Just a bunch of Nigerian convicts roaming the streets, ordering their jaguars to attack innocent bystanders. I'd get a jaguar of my own in that case, so it could maul me before the Nigerians got me.
Is Matt Damon hung like a horse. A shetland pony is a horse, right?
michael irvin is chinese. I'm almost scared to say too much, knowing how litigious Mr. Irvin is. I'll share one little bit, though. Back during the glory days of the Dallas Cowboys, the personal trainer of the team was bopping around the locker room, straightening up the players' lockers. Most everyone had the same stuff in there: shoes, deoderant, cocaine, etc. Not Michael Irvin's, though. Instead, his was full to the brim with egg rolls and throwing stars.
cheech marin's house. More commonly referred to as PARADISE.
Posted by Cody at March 31, 2005 7:12 PMI sure love drunken phone calls from Danza when I'm trying to sleep.
Posted by: Frito at April 1, 2005 7:23 AMDon't think you were the only one, Frito. They spread the love last night.
Posted by: Pdiddy at April 1, 2005 5:24 PMThat had to be Cody. He crashed on the couch and my phone was in the living room... I think.
Posted by: Danza at April 2, 2005 1:06 AMUpon further review of the evidence I have concluded that when you excuse youself to go to the restorrom, other people take that as an invitation to use your phone. I can't say that I'm shocked as I have quite an extensive history in this area myself.
Posted by: at April 2, 2005 1:12 AMSo I've don e the tally. Four bottles of wine, one bottle of some top notch port (thanks Doc), two glasses od Cask Strentgh Macallan, and some Crown Royal laden coffee. That was a good dinner party indeed/ And to top it off, Octopussy deem us worthy to grace us with her presence. I bet some lucky kitty is getting herself a 6' tower tomorrow.
Posted by: Danza at April 3, 2005 1:35 AMDaylight Savings Time in tha house!
Posted by: Danza at April 3, 2005 3:17 AMAnd let's not forget that one of those bottles featured none other than Elvis on the bottle. If things go according to plan, I'll be starting up a Fat Elvis winery. If thye don't, I'll just content myuself with this pale imitation.
Posted by: Cody at April 3, 2005 11:38 AMWhoops, missed some. Last night's debauchery included six bottles of wine, one bottle of port, two glasses of Scotch, and some hefty draws of Crown.
Posted by: Danza at April 3, 2005 2:53 PM