I turned in my 2 months' notice at my complex today, informing them of my desire to move at the end of June. So, if any of you know any bankrupt rappers who want to unload their mansions, point them in my direction. I just have too many housing needs that can only be satisfied by a former rapper's house. Where else am I going to get an affordable diamond-studded pen for my pit bulls? Or a Scarface-themed bathroom, complete with a bidet where the water shoots out of Al Pacino's tommy gun? And what about a separate wing of the house for my bitches? I've got to have a separate wing of the house for my bitches. By God, I won't live like an animal any longer.
It'll be fun to look for a new apartment. I didn't do such a good job of that when I picked my last apartment. Once I got my job, I walked 100 feet down the street to a complex and demanded lodging. I didn't look around anywhere else. In fact, I didn't even go into the leasing office, I just set up camp in the parking lot for a couple of weeks. I was there one night, roasting some pork-and-beans over a trash can fire when the apartment manager come over and said, "Hey hobo, would you like to move indoors?" My response, "Yes, but only if I can bring my army of alley cats."
This time, I'm shopping around. I will go to no less than two different complexes, and at each one, I will make sure to ask questions. Smart, savvy questions like, "Does this have indoor plumbing?" and "Would you guarantee this apartment isn't haunted?" and "If this apartment does turn out to be haunted, will you cover any poltergeist-inflicted damages?" And in the end, I will most likely stay in my current complex. But it'll be okay, because I'll either end up in the one unit where Crystal pours from the faucets, or I'll just set up shop up in the parking lot.
PS: I am ready to rock this weekend. So ready to rock in fact, that today has felt like Friday. If this continues, Saturday will feel like Wednesday, and I'll kick everyone out of my apartment so I can watch a damn episode of Will and Grace in peace. Hopes are high.
Posted by Cody at April 25, 2005 6:44 PM