The Birth of Chili Chili Bang Bang

Tonight, I give birth to Chili Chili Bang Bang, my soon-to-be award winning chili. It's hard to say exactly what kind of awards it will win; I have my hopes set on Most Likely to Induce Severe Distress to the Colon. Yes, I realize it may to take a gastrointestinologist to formalize that, but I'm willing to pay what it costs; sometimes you have to give a little to get a little. Except I'm not getting a little, I'm getting pretty much everything I could desire: a certificate of merit, the respect of fellow chili gourmets across the globe, and perhaps, if this thing is well publicized, a gaggle of chili groupies.

For a while there, I was thinking seriously about using a recipe. It's not so much that I don't distrust my innate cooking skills, I just wanted to point the finger at someone else should one of the chili tasters die from Chili Chili Bang Bang. And let's be honest, that's a distinct possibility. I can only hope that if someone does die, it's a rock star (perhaps the lead singer of the Scorpions) so that the chili can make its way onto Behind the Music. I would give anything to hear that narrator say, "He was on top of the world and on top of the charts, that is until he encountered Chili Chili Bang Bang." And then they could show a shot of me, foaming at the mouth, standing in front of my crock pot.

But I soon realized that genius doesn't follow instructions. I'm going to the store later tonight to buy ingredients, and I'm just going to wing it. Jellybeans? Sure. Shoe polish? Yes, but only brown. Chili powder? I don't think I'll be needing any of that. Chili Chili Bang Bang, welcome to the world!