Operation Golden Earring

Let me share an impressive number wiht you: 1622. What does it represent? Is it the duration in minutes of the panic attack I had when I learned Tony Danza was back on TV? Or the number of thrift stores I had to frequent before I could find a kimono worth giving to Tony Danza in honor of his big comeback? Or Tony Danza's daily expenditure on security since I chained myself to his mailbox with a old timey Civil War musket? You're right, it's all 3.

Actually, it's my approximation of the distance in miles I'll be travelling over Memorial Day. Sometimes you just look at your calendar and say, "I have a few days off coming up. I really need to make a trip to the Nebraska state line and back." Okay, that's not really what I said at all. In reality, I said, "I have a few days off coming up. I really need to go to New Orleans. And then stop off in the suburbs of Houston along the way. And before that, I need to hit the river for a day." It sounds like an unorthodox trip, but in a few years, everyone will be doing it. A few of us just happened to figure it out before the crowd, and we've dubbed it Operation Golden Earring.

If we're hitting on all cylinders, I see the following happening. On the river, someone gets bitten by a water moccasin and then imprisoned by a band of unruly mermaids. Once we're through there, we'll drive to Houston where we'll immediately crash into Yao Ming's car. He'll be so upset, he'll pick up the car and throw it into the Gulf of Mexico. We then walk to New Orleans, where a friendly argument with a waitress about a bowl of gumbo leads to us being cursed by a voodoo priestess, turning us into a zombie army who will dispatch the voodoo lady's enemies and dance for red beans and rice at her command. I'm looking forward to it.