May 18, 2005
Play Ball
PIVOTAL game 5 tonight for the Dallas Mavericks in their series against the Phoenix Suns. If I were the coach, here's what I'd be worried about:
The Suns are notorious for calling time-outs, and then while the refs aren't paying attention, swapping the regulation ball with a ball made of broken glass and alligator teeth. I'd get the jump on them by bring a much, much larger ball of broken glass and alligator teeth, and then throwing it right at the Suns coach immediately after tip-off.
Another infamous Suns tactic is to staff the visiting team's locker room with tuberculosis patients in an effort to infect their opponents. The only way to counteract this is to make all locker room attendants do 200 jumping jacks without dying before bringing the team in.
Who says the refs aren't bribed? In case of doubt, waste no time in punching out the refs and replacing them with a bunch of well-respected, elder rabbis.
For the love of God, avoid the landmines strategically placed near center court. Consider drugging some groupies and placing them near the site in an attempt to lure the opposing team over to that area.
If things seem to be going well for the Mavs, I'd be wary of the Suns' coach dumping a big box of mice onto the court. Prepare for this by bringing a box of owls.
Posted by Cody at May 18, 2005 6:41 PM
I don't know whats worse, your continual harsh treatment of animals (mice and hampsters in particular), or your assumption that tuberculosis is a legitimate disease. Everyone knows that tuberculosis was invented by Canadians to try to scare Colin Mochrie, William Shatner, and Leslie Nielsen out of the US and back into Canada. Let it go man. Let it go.
For the love of God, why didn't anyone tell Steve Nash about the scare? I refuse to let it go until someoen answers that.
He's a closet-Armenian.
Duh.
