Op GE, Part IV

We followed the highway at low speed for another 10 miles until we saw the shimmering city of Winny off in the distance. While I'm not a well traveled man, I'm familiar with some of the more beautiful sights in the world. Paris at night. The Pyramids at Giza. Mount Kilimanjaro. However, none of these can compare to the sheer majesty of Winny. McDonalds AND an Exxon AND a Church's Chicken?! No no, this must be a dream and I don't want to wake up!

I pulled into the gas station and asked the cashier there about a tire shop. She was incredibly helpful and not only told me of an open place, but gave me incredibly precise directions to the tire joint. For this, I am convinced that woman deserves to be mayor of Winny. It's pretty close by, and Nick and I find the tire place with no problems at all. And it's exactly at this point that everything goes to crap.

We pull into the tire joint, and my first thought is, "Hmm, it's a little sketchy, but I'll take what I can get it." It's basically a really big shed, and standing out front is a collection of East Texas characters. Since East Texas characters are usually colorful and zany, I wasn't worried about these individuals. Then, I get out of the car and drastically had to revise my opinion.

I get out of the car, and immediately this little guy runs right up to me and yells, "Hey Mister, do you know a way I can make $20 right now to keep from going to jail?"
"Well, I'm sure if you can fix the tire, we can work something out," I said.
"I don't work here!" he screamed. "And I can't go back to that jail house again! Twenty dollars!"
At this point, I began to look around for hidden cameras. "Please God, let this be one of those Punk'd deals," I prayed. If so, the joke would go on for a little while longer.

The proprietor of the shop seemed like a good guy and a hard worker, but he had no problem with this deranged homunculus hounding me all over the premises. Since there was a bit of a line in front of me, I plunked down in the back of the truck and tried to look immersed in my thoughts. I will now allow you to guess how successful this was.

Maybe three seconds after I sit down, Twitchy McSqueaks (that's what I'll call him) sat down right beside me and went off on a tangent.

"You know they got nude beaches here?" he said. "Not as good as in California. You can see anything you want there, and you don't even have to pay. When you get your tired patched up, you and me can go to that nude beach and look at the women."
Not only was he smooth, but he was a mindreader. As soon as I saw that guy, I thought to myself, "He and I must go ho chasin'."

Somewhere in the midst of all of this, Nick gets up and says he's going to get a beer at the convenience store across the street.
"Are you sure?" I asked. "I've got some warm Sprite in the car here. You could drink that and you wouldn't have to leave me alone."
Before I could even get the words out, he was sprinting across the intersection, leaving me all alone with the locals.

Another one, a huge one, joined me and Twitchy McSqueaks. Huge doesn't do this man justice. He was maybe my height, but he was easily a solid 400 lbs. He looked at the cargo in the back of the truck, which consisted only of two backpacks.
"Hey, I could use one of these," he declared, as he lifted my backpack out of the truck. Seeing the sheer panic on my face, he set it back down and commenced to titter monstrously.

I've tried as hard as possible to block out my remaining time at that establishment. It was me, Twitchy McSqueaks, and Two Ton Earl, going back and forth like a regular Algonquin Round Table.
"Where do you live?"
"Austin."
"Boston? That's a hell of a drive!"
"Austin."
"I'll be rolling through Austin there in a few weeks, maybe I'll stop in!"
".... Super. But I'm out of town for work a lot, so I almost definitely won't be there."
"Hey, how about you get me a job while I'm there? I gotta get that $20. You can advance me my first paycheck."

Just back and forth, and while it only lasted for a few minutes, it drained the very life from my bones. Nick finally made it back with his beer, only to take a sip and conclude, "Uggh." The beer was so unwelcome, he gave it immediately to Twitchy McSqueaks.

"What?! You give me this and the police are right there," he screamed. Sure enough, the police were driving right by us at the time. "You did that on purpose! I'm not going back to that jail house!"

Finally, FINALLY, the owner of the shop took control of the situation and got the tire put on there. Sensing what I'd already been through, he gave me a good tire at a cheap price. While that was appreciated, I gladly would've maxed out all credit cards then to get out of that place and back onto the road.

The whole tire episode probably took 2 hours total, from when it erupted to when it got replaced. Once we were back on the road, we still had a good four hours. And let me tell you, those four hours weren't pleasant. We were two cranky dudes. Not at each other, but at the Yokohama tire company. At the town of Winny. At Twitchy McSqueaks. At Two Ton Earl. But mostly at Big Al, because we knew the only way we'd get to see him again was to make that drive one more time.

Posted by Cody at June 3, 2005 8:59 AM