I Will Not Transfer

In case you missed it yesterday, there's a little something going on right now called the Goulash Mix CD Challenge. If you want in, email me. If you don't want in, pray for your soul because I take things like this personally. I forgot to note something in yesterday's post about the challenge: if you enter and I discover that we live in the same zip code (as has happened once already), I will deliver your mix CD on foot with the official Goulash Hell Hound in tow. You don't get to keep the GHH, but if I'm roaming the neighborhood, I may as well as bring her with me and let her soil the streets for a change.

I recently completed my two year anniversary at work. One might think I'd mastered my surroundings by now, but that is far from the case. To wit, here are a couple of things I still haven't figured out.

1. Changing the water dispenser. It seems easy enough: just put the jug on the dispenser. The water has to come out somewhere though, doesn't it? I'm worried I'd find that water relief valve and empty the jug onto the breakroom floor just in time for the CEO to step in, slip on the water, and crack his skull. Then he'd get out the corporate cannon and fire me into the dumpster or something like that. As it is, I just use tap water if the jug is looking a little low. "I like it better this way," I tell anyone who comes in midway through.

2. Transferring a phone call. I get like one call a month at work, and very occasionally, these already-occasional calls have to be transferred to someone else. Whenever that happens, I set the phone down very quietly, run swiftly to the desired party's office, and ask them if they know how to pick up a call on my phone. I'm pretty sure I transferred successfully once, but every time since, I either hang up on the person or call my voice mail. (Related entry: I'm not sure how to put someone on hold.)

Also, I don't know where to get tissues and pens. Ten minutes of effort would probably resolve all of these issues, but my hopes are high that before I reach this point, I'll get a robot assistant who can do all this for me.