I say it once a week and I'm going to say it again now, with only the slightest hint of urgency in my voice: the official chariot of Goulash is on its last legs. See, it's been on its last legs for so long now, no one believes me when I say this. They just assume that either Pepe will cart me for generations to come, until cataracts have blinded me and prostate woes have forced me into installing some sort of toilet bench in the front seat, OR that both Pepe and I are going out in a tremendous fireball later tonight in the parking lot of Wendy's. Due to my sincere aversion to both fireballs and Wendy's, I know which one I'm rooting for.
Fortunately, the state of my truck makes the new car buying process a simple one. I'm not exactly losing hundreds of dollars in trade-in value with each week that I don't unload the truck. Every month, I get out an Excel spreadsheet and calculate what it costs to drive Pepe vs. what it'd cost for a new car. This month, we're looking at something like $1.50 vs. $400. At some point, I'm going to have to start calculating the depreciation in coupons or some hyper-inflated South American currency.
Eventually, it's going to happen: Pepe will give out. And then, I'll have to take him to some dealership and engage in a very painful conversation. "That's my truck out there," I'll say. "I'd like to know what I can get for that." Some greasy dealer guy with a perm will take a look at it and say, "Well, I don't really have the authority to make this kind of deal, but I'll trade you that box of donuts straight up for the keys." With tears in my eyes, I'll whimper, "What about sprinkles?"
Posted by Cody at August 15, 2005 6:47 PM