Let's get right to business: you want to know about the Tori Amos show I saw on Friday with Laura. Right, right, as you should. It was, in a word, magical. Not magical as in the quality of performance, because really, the only performances I'm qualified to judge are those done in an erotic kabuki theater. It was magical simply because sometimes, it's hard to believe how many weird things are going on at once. The only way to rationalize is to think there's some sort of magical wizard pulling the strings, arranging all of the absurdities. If so, the wizard brought his A game on Friday.
Strange thing the first: a crazy lady in the row in front of us. I know what you're thinking: at a Tori Amos concert, a weird occurence would be to discover you're surrounded by anything but crazy ladies. But this crazy lady was special. The night before, I'd been driving downtown. As what happens anytime I'm allowed near wheels, I quickly got lost. I struggled to locate any landmark until I came to a stoplight. Directly to my right, there was a convenience store; the police had pulled someone over in the parking lot. Quite a few cop cars had stopped, so I knew something was shaking. Well, after a lot of peering, I saw the criminal: it was an older lady, maybe 55, dressed in crazy witch robes with long gray hair that billowed out of her scalp. I could garner no clue what she'd done wrong, only that the police had swarmed her. For good reason, as she scared me. I won't lie; I'm more or less an adult and that lady terrified the crap out of me. When I saw her, I locked my door, lest she throw a magical tortoise shell at me that'd turn me into a goblin (I'm talking too much about witches and wizards, I realize that). The entire scene dismayed me.
Had you asked me then to name that lady's two favorite musical acts, without hesitation, I would've asserted, "1. Stevie Nicks. 2. Tori Amos." Well, I really nailed numero dos since the very next night, who sat directly in front of us at the Tori Amos show? Yes, the crazy criminal witch lady. She really had it going for the show, too. She had her crazy witch robes, crazy witch hair, along with a (crazy witch?) seat cushion. Right when I saw her, I grabbed Laura's arm and whispered, "I feel... so... cold," and then I fainted. I simply could not believe it, nor could the people sitting next to her. They took every opportunity to look back at us and give one of those "I'm going to die tonight, aren't I?" smile/frowns. To make the situation even weirder, the lady got up right after the opening acts. I spent the rest of the night clutching my keys, ready to wheel around and do some stabbing if I noticed any incantations directed at me from her, in a hidden spot amongst the crowd. My educated guess? She turned into a bat, and is haunting the oak tree in my yard as we speak, waiting to unleash her satanic spells on my soul of gossamer.
Wow, I'm winded and I only got to half the material I planned to cover. For a description of every other person at the concert, you shall wait until tomorrow.
Posted by Cody at September 5, 2005 7:40 PM