Yesterday, I mentioned that multiple individuals at the Tori Amos concert disturbed me. I could only describe one of them due to time constraints. I cannot imagine how this must've irked you, the people of Goulash. I dangle something precious like that, only to withhold it for another 24 hours; sometimes, I even make myself sick with such behavior. I'm going to make it alright today, though, with part II of the scary people at Tori Amos.
Allow me to transport you somewhere mystical: the parking lot of the Backyard, 6:30 PM, Friday night. The smell of amphitheater hot dogs lingers in the air. Laura and I are walking the path up to the ticket takers, when this real weinerbiscuit, sitting on the hood of a Volvo, brayed at us, "Do you have any spare tickets?" Do I look like the kind of person who'd have spare tickets to a Tori Amos show? If there were going to be a spare ticket, it'd be the one I'm currently using. Since that obviously didn't work out, please leave the issue be. That was my thought process, but I didn't get to verbalize it. That's because, before I could form any words, Laura whispered to me, "Those people go to every show, they're really weird."
Over the course of the next several minutes, I really dove into this topic.
Q: How do they afford these travels?
A: They sell pictures of Tori, they beg, or they buy crappy tickets and sneak up to the front. I have no idea how they finance their travels from state to state, except that maybe they sleep in and eat garbage.
Q: How many of them are there?
A: Plenty, like ten. There's a head lame-ass who coordinates where everyone sites and everything.
Q: Do the other fans get along with them?
A: No. They're fond of driving you to a far-away Tori show, then ditching you as soon as the show starts. Also, they like to rule up the Tori message boards.
Q: Do they realize they've devoted their lives to following around a piano player?
A: Probably not.
Once I got the basics, I kept my eyes peeled for the rest of the evening. In my mind, I was daring them to make a rush for the seat next to me so I could inform the security guards. Of course, the security guard would then inform me that it's illegal to watch the show from inside the hot dog cart. That's neither here nor there. Luckily for them, the crowd was full enough that I didn't get to bust them. Do I have a conclusion here? Certainly not. But the next time you go to a Tori Amos concert, consider buying all of the seats in the joint.
Posted by Cody at September 6, 2005 6:45 PM