Co-Captain and Commander

In the days of yore, if you had a crazy idea that you wanted someone else to implement, you just called over that cousin of yours whose head had been closed in the drawbridge once. That guy would do anything, so you'd tell him, "Listen here, drawbridge head, you go out and do [Crazy Ass Idea] and I'll give you this rock in exchange. Do it really well and I'll throw in a handful of dirt." And just like that, your not-quite-right cousin would set to work. Well, we don't have drawbridges anymore, so it really put a crimp in that whole idea. Now if you want someone to implement some dumb ass idea, you have to find someone naturally stupid. You have to find a Cody Powell.

Yesterday afternoon, a coworker and I were talking about various work stuff. I don't remember exactly how it got started, but we were remarking how strange it was that our company didn't have a softball team. Why was that? Didn't anyone here like softball? What were we, a bunch of gay commies? Shortly thereafter, I found myself walking the halls, finding out who we could get to play infield. This is one of those idiotic ideas.

Why is this a bad situation for me? Softball rules are complicated. As I walked the halls and pleaded for coworker support, I started to hear these questions about just what sort of league we'd be playing in. Will it be one pitch? Would double core bats be allowed? How thick would the center of the ball be? Would the females get to hit a larger sized ball than the males? As someone who's never actually played organized softball, I confidently told them all, "I'm fairly certain that whatever answer you're hoping for is correct. We will DEFINITELY all have orange slices at half time."

I am co-team captain, and I'm not even sure how many positions are involved in softball. (I heard someone say we get an extra outfielder, but that this extra outfielder just plays in between two existing players. That makes no sense whatsoever.) The only thing I can state with any certainty is that Powell goes in right-field.