Frosted Seal Blubber

It got icy here in Austin last night, and the day has been interesting for anyone with a car. The cold weather types probably don't understand this. To them, driving on the ice is like heating up a cup of frosted seal blubber (if memory serves, that's a very popular cold weather saying). It's different here, though. When everyone heard about the ice storm approaching, the common response was to drive home, lock the doors, and bury the keys in the backyard. I know I did it; I didn't want to tempt myself. I've been there before and I didn't like it. Driving in the ice is very similar to seeing an elderly, obese flasher: it's an awkward spectacle, and I wish to avoid it at all costs for the rest of my life.

I still did drive in to work today, though. I live like 1/8 of a mile from the office, so not even I am paranoid enough to refuse to drive 1/8 of a mile on a light dusting of ice. My office is right next to the parking lot, which is probably the iciest spot I've seen so far. This has made for some good watching. Earlier today, a coworker in a big truck pulled in to the lot just like normal, and tried to park himself in his usual spot. He approached at the usual speed, braked at the usual spot, and all went well, except that this time, he didn't stop. Instead, he ran over the curb and ended up in the grass. When your window looks out on the parking lot, that's about the best comedy you're going to get.

Uhh, and that's all I got. I have a fantasy football playoff game on Sunday, and while I've created an incredible repository of obscene jeers for my opponent, I don't want to let the cat out of the bag just yet. Rather, I'm leaving the cat in there for days. I'm going to let the cat stink up my insult bag real good, and then I'll open it up. The insults will fly out, and while my opponent is stunned, I'll put the bag over his head and punch him in the stomach. "You know what that smell is?" I'll yell. "That's the smell of failure! And also, the smell of cat urine. It's probably a 70/30 mixture, if you want to get specific. And perhaps a hint of Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles, because I threw away an empty bag in there." May your trembling start NOW, Paul.