This may not rock your world like it does mine, but I received a very strange check in the mail lately. First, an explanation. When you move, I think you lose your spot on the Opt Out list for credit card offers. As such, ever since we moved to Powell Fortress, I've been inundated with a bunch of these stupid offers (89% APR plus 5% cashback on armenian sardines and sardine accessories). Some of these offers come with checks that, if you cash, you immediately become enrolled in whatever shady scam it is they're selling. Homey don't play that. I usually tear these checks up when I receive them, then donate them as toilet paper for the homeless. However, on one recent check, I stopped to examine it before I began the shredding process.
What's so weird about that check? Well, look at the individual who signed it; it is one Garry Powell. My dad also happens to be Gary Powell (differing amount of r's, but same phonetically). Either my dad owns Citibank and is revealing his ruse slowly (pleeeeease), someone is pulling a funnin' on me that's devoid of hilarity, or there's a guy at Citibank that I need to start calling my Bank Dad. I have chosen to imagine the last.
Dear Bank Dad,
You, Garry Powell, have a name that is only one extraneous r away from my real dad's name, Gary Powell. As such, I have adopted you as my bank dad.
Sincerely,
Cody Powell
Dear Bank Dad,
Is your wife named Pegggy? What color is your mustache?
Sincerely,
Cody Powell
Dear Bank Dad,
According to my records, I am missing 25 years worth of Christmas presents, birthday parties, and spankings. The next time you're in Austin, set aside the weekend and let's catch up.
Sincerely,
Cody Powell
Dear Bank Dad,
You're my bank dad, not my real dad. As such, I don't look like you or act like you but might I ... bank like you? Please answer the following questions so this might be answered. First, do you like to write funny things on the memo line of your checks? Second, which mathematical constant did you choose for your PIN?
Sincerely,
Cody Powell
Dear Bank Dad,
Can I live in the vault? I just want to swim around in the money all day, like Scrooge McDuck.
Sincerely,
Cody Powell