Digital Weinerbiscuits

I have had the most frustrating two days of work ever. The lesson is that I should never be allowed anyone's computer ever. Installing and configuring things just aren't in my spheres of competence, and the more important the machine is, the stronger my powers of destruction are. If the USA ever needs someone to disable North Korea's network infrastructure in an afternoon, they should just tell me to go upgrade Kim Jong Il's laptop to Windows XP. The entire country would go down like a stack of dominos.

This may sound surprising to you, as you may think I'm some sort of computer guy. I am, but there are different types. I am a programmer. I am responsible for making the software hard to use and prone to crashing. However, I'm not supposed to be the one who actually has to endure all of that crap. I create, I don't use. That's a job for a support technician or a sysadmin. If you come to me and ask me why your computer isn't working properly, I'll take one look at it, exclaim, "I didn't write that crap!", and turn you into HR for sexual harrassment. Are we clear on this?

After a few days of installing and configuring some applications on our new server, I'm more secure than ever in my career choice. I only had to install and tweak two applications, both used in our development process. Two measly pieces of software. Somehow, I found a way for that task to consume three entire days, along with a few hours over the weekend. That's for two applications. If my boss were to ramp that number up three or four times, it's entirely likely that I'd never be seen again. And they weren't three fun days; it was like being a POW, held at the whims of Microsoft. Instead of hooking my genitals up to a car battery, I had to edit the registry for hours at a time, which is almost the exact same.

Anyway, I'm done now. One might think this entire experience has caused me to reconsider my own code and perhaps endeavor to make it more user-friendly. But no, it's pretty much done the exact opposite; I want to share my pain. The only way to console myself is to create an end user experience that's as tortuous as the one I just endured. If you ever download something from CodyPowell.com and the characters are printed upside-down, diagonally across the screen, and little, invincible vampires start flying out of your DVD drive, don't come crying to me about it. After all, I'm not a user.