January 11, 2006

Jamaica Summary

I have returned. How was Jamaica? It was a lot of fun. The drinks and food were plentiful, the weather was temperate, the water felt great, and the nude beaches were extraordinarily naked. However, it wasn't all sunscreen and giggle fits. No, I learned some lessons on this trip. Fools better recognize these words to the wise.

1. If you're staying at a place where the drinks are free, you may want to consider leaving your 32 oz. cup at home. If you carry it with you, you could find yourself spending a whole afternoon serenading a mermaid, which is actually a clump of seaweed with clumps that vaguely resemble boobs.

2. If you happen to discover some fellow travelers engaging in sexual activity on the beach late at night, resist the urge to yell at them. Yes, I know how tempting it is. Consider the fact that you may encounter these people again. Consider another fact, that these people may travel with a large group. Consider a final fact, that this group may be drunk a lot and that the oceanside paramours may've gotten a better look at you than you thought. It's not a vacation if I haven't enraged a group of strangers to the point where they want to kill me.

3. If you want to make every other possible bad situation look much, much more appealing, go to the Miami airport. Just go there, walk around for a while, and try to make it onboard some planes. Five years from now, when I'm crushed to death by a rampaging elephant that's escaped from the circus, I will take it with a smile. I could eat a moon pie full of bees and I might even dance along to the attack. Nothing at all can phase me now, because I went through the Miami airport twice.

All in all, the trip ruled. I hardly get burned at all, and all of the Jamaicans were tremendously friendly, even the ones who tried to sell me women and drugs. What's more, jerk seasoning and Red Stripe comprise my bloodstream, so I'm either invincible or about to die. As soon as I upload my photos, I'll post the link here.

One more note: bummer to hear that Lou Rawls died. He released my favorite Christmas cd ever, so he shall be missed. If you want to hear the man at his best, get a rerelease that Capitol put out last year called "Live!" and listen to a track called "I'd Rather Drink Muddy Water" (you can hear it on Rhapsody, if you have that). Great, great stuff. If anyone has that song, send it to me and I'll post it here.

Posted by Cody at January 11, 2006 6:05 PM