Softball Domination Begins Now

Hot diggity, our office softball team begins practice tomorrow! Our team name is the Gas House Gang. All day long, the manager has been going from office to office asking all of the team members what position they play. As assistant manager, I knew I had to wow him with my answer. I needed to show both a keen insight of the sport as well as our budding team dynamics. With all of this firmly in mind, I said, "I get to bat, right? Do I need a glove?" Actually, I didn't say that at all. I said, "Put me where you need me; I got range. You worried about the outfield? Put me in center and tell everyone else to stay out of my way. You want a no hitter? Put me on the mound and call nothing but fastballs. Are we having a problem with balls getting past the third baseman? Put me there and the only thing sneaking down that line are the chicks who want to see my behind in action."

I really hope that softball is easier than baseball. When I played baseball as a young CWMP, well... let's say my game had some short-comings. For example, I wasn't much of a batter. I was known to make the occasional mistake in the field. But if you needed someone to slide, you called me. In retrospect, my afternoons in the backyard with the Slip-n-Slide came in very handy there on the diamond. Unfortunately, it's hard to make a living in professional baseball as an exclusive slider. It'd be especially hard for me, since I'd never get on base and when I did, I'd have a hard time between sliding periods. So really, baseball wasn't my thing.

Softball has a few things going for it, though. The ball is bigger, I'm playing against a co-ed team, and most of my teammates and opponents will be several years older than I am. If I can't play to the level of a 55 year old woman out there, then maybe I'm not the athletic juggernaut I'm billed as. Or maybe, just maybe, the Gas House Gang has some really good 55 year old women.