I hit a major milestone in my life over the weekend: I had to buy the Weight Control cat food for Octopussy. Is this necessary? Most definitely, for she is a fatso. It is her bulk and her bulk alone that keeps me from filling my house with faberge eggs. Her weight trajectory has been a lot like Marlon Brando's. I imagine before I got her, she was similar to Brando in "Streetcar Named Desire" or "On the Waterfront"; she was sleek, muscular, and primed for ass-kickin'. After a month or two with me, she entered her Don Corleone phase, where she was definitely heavy but it was okay because it gave her some character. It pains me to say it, but now we're headed towards "Island of Dr. Moreau". Not only is that a creepy mental image, but it sounds incredibly expensive. If Starr Jones could shed the pounds, so can Octopussy.
This gets me to thinking about weight loss. If someone were to give me the choice being too fat or too skinny, I think I would pick too fat. Why? Well, who would you rather be friends with, a fat dude or a super skinny dude? When I think super skinny dude, here's what I think:
1. Possible Drug Addict
2. Cheap
3. Likely to scream at me about my diet
Meanwhile, when I think fat dude, here's what I get:
1. Jolly
2. Generous
3. Knows a lot about gravy
Just from that list, who would pick super skinny over fat? Just imagine a day with the skinny guy, with him making you jog and then forcing you to try some sort of artichoke and soy enema. Meanwhile, the fat guy is just sitting around, eating hot dogs and talking sassy to his neighbors. Don't insult me by asking me to declare the winner here.
All of this raises an important point about my cat. While she will be slimming down, it won't be too much. She'll still saunter around the house like a little chubbo, I just won't worry about her crushing my skull while I sleep. In other words, we're going back to the Corleone phase.
Posted by Cody at January 23, 2006 7:45 PM