Ask Mr Manners

Man, I found a great discussion online today. To summarize this, our lady gets on the bus every morning. She sits near these other two ladies, who keep a window open on the ride. The cold air from the window is really unpleasant for our lady, so when the other two leave, she gets up and closes their window. The other two don't like this and proceed to mock her in front of the whole bus. Our lady wants to know how she should handle this. I didn't comment on the thread, but here are a few options for this lady.

Bizarre:
"Why don't you stick it in a schooner and drown it in gravy, you fat ocelot?"

Confrontational:
"Ain't your f'in window, stank butt! You keep leavin' that f'in window open and I'm going to open a f'in gash the size of the Royal Gorge in your behind, ya stank butt! Now wash your f'in stank butt and get off the bus!"

Erudite:
"Madams, it shames me to say it, but if you persist in leaving your window open, I shall abrogate your presence via defenestration." (Best said with a monocle and a class of sherry.)

Abrupt:
"Why don't you two go back to Tranny town?"

Rambling:
"This reminds me of a tift from season 7 of Who's the Boss, when Ralph Macchio guest-starred. You may be asking yourself, 'When did Ralph Macchio ever guest-star?' Well, I know it's going to click for you after five words: Mona goes to the dentist. So ol' Ralph this episode is playing a couple of twins named Archibald and Julio (Julio likes grape soda more than Archibald, that's how you tell them apart), and Tony Danza is ordered by the government to give them dancing lessons. I never understand that part, but I assume it's like when those crazy sheriffs make the inmates wear pink jumpsuits. What I want to know is, what'd Tony do wrong in the first place? So they're dancing away, Archibald with Alyssa Milano and Julio with Tony, and Julio's eyes are just bugging out, having to dance with Tony Danza in front of Miss Va Va Voom herself, Alyssa Milano. It's salient to point they just got down waxing the floor, and multiple coats I think, from the sheen on the floor. They're in their socks for some reason, maybe because they're taking the term Sock Hop literally, and if I may speak parenthetically, that would've been a great name for this particular episode. Now if you'll follow me while I draw a diagram on this napkin, as it may be easier to follow the action I'm about to describe that way."

Historical:
Leap onto their seat, shout "Sic semper tyrannis," and shoot at them with a black power pistol.

Shameful:
"Tell me, does it make your children proud to know their mothers ruthlessly antagonize strangers on the bus? What about the fact that their mothers are stank butt trannies?"

Posted by Cody at February 7, 2006 6:58 PM