It's Valentine's Day! If you haven't showered your hot dude/sweet lady with affection by now, you probably no longer have a hot dude/sweet lady. Or maybe you're in prison. If the day did slip your mind and you find yourself with no choice but to win your partner back, here's a poem to whisper into their ear.
Dearest Love Bucket,
Like a pig eats garbage and slop from a bucket,
I eat love and hamburger helper from you.
When the world kicks my genitals,
You dance sexy to the Nightrider theme to keep me from being blue.
Your face is like a Panda's,
Cuddly, furry, and warm.
Your butt is like a bribed politician,
Crooked, treacherous, and impervious to reform.
If I could trade you for anything in the world,
It'd be for a car, a snow cone machine, or a coconut tree.
But who else could want such a love bucket?
So I'll keep you here with me.
Love bucket, sweet love bucket,
Take my hand in yours
Keep it with you always
Even when you're mopping up at the wig store
And whenever life starts to trouble you
Or places you in harm
Put a roll of quarters in my palm, roll the hand into a fist
And swing it with alarm.