I have a dilemma. The situation is this: on Thursday night, I can either attend our company softball game where I will dutifully man the outfield and pray that no balls approach me, or I can attend a free scotch tasting with Danza. Wait, did I say dilemma? I meant complete and absolute slam-dunk of a decision to make. If this site communicates anything about me whatsoever, I hope it tells you that there's absolutely no way on earth I'm passing up a chance to get scotched-up on fancy scotch with a gang of scotch-hounds at the greatest scotch house in Austin without having to pay any scotch money.
I don't care what could occur at the softball game to get me to attend. We're playing the worst team in the league and I was told I could play the whole game; I'm still not going. We could be playing the framers of the Constitution, complete with powdered wigs and wooden teeth. The losing team could be promised half of John Adams' gold bullion and a night out with Aaron Burr. The game could take place on an asteroid headed for Europa, on some sort of top-secret, no gravity, alien softball field. I still wouldn't go. Not only would I not go, but I'd forget to text message Laura and ask her how the game went. No sir, I'd be scotched up.
I'm not a scotch connoisseur, not yet. But on the occasions on which I've tangled with the single malted beast, I've liked it. In fact, it was a lot like the first time I saw jai alai game. On both occasions, I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm missing out on the subtleties, but I like what I see." What better way to hone the taste buds to Thurston Howell-like levels than at a free tasting with a bunch of the good crap? What's more, this is taking place at the liquor store with the best beer selection in Austin. (This is what Danza reported. If he's lying, I'll hang his corpse from the drawbridge on St. Crispin's Day.) There's a good chance I'll plow through the Scotch, fill my trunk with beer from Zimbabwe, and take off into the night, never to be heard from again. That's still probably better than a softball game.
Posted by Cody at February 28, 2006 7:59 PM