Get Ready for Some Almost Zingers, Tom Delay

Tom Delay resigned recently, and I'll bet the comedians of our country are having a field day with it. I'd verify that statement, but I traded my TV for a box of Nutter Butters. Anyway, I tailored a list of almost, but not quite jokes about this event.

Tom Delay walks into a bar. The bartender takes a look at him and says, "Get out, I don't serve your kind here!" He points at a sign on the wall that declares, "No politicians allowed." Tom takes one look at the sign and says, "But I'm a periodontist!"

How many Tom Delays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One to hold the light bulb, one to hold the press conference afterwards, and one to eat all the Almond Joys.

The Pope, the Dali Lama, and Tom Delay are all in an airplane. The plane begins to go down. The pilot says, "Listen, there are only three parachutes. I need to take one so I can tell everyone what happened to the plane." He takes a parachute and jumps out. The Pope says, "Listen, I need that next parachute. I'm the head of one of the world's major religions." He takes a parachute and jumps out. Tom Delay says, "I think I'd like that last parachute. I'm one of the major political figures in my country, and my party will be helpless without me." The Dali Lama thinks for a minute and says, "Take it, my son. I pooped my pants the minute I heard we were going down, and I don't want to spread that mess."

What would you get if you crossed Tom Delay with a duckbilled platypus? Sasquatch's worst nightmare.

What do you call Tom Delay in front of a plate full of oysters? Ned Beatty's soulmate.

A priest, a rabbi, and Tom Delay are walking down the street. They saw a little girl crying. The priest says, "She's crying because she's separated from God." The rabbi says, "No, she's crying because her people have suffered." Tom Delay says, "Actually, she's crying because --- SOMEBODY STOLE MY UNDERWEAR!"

Posted by Cody at April 5, 2006 5:44 PM