Baseball has started! I look forward to my hometown team, the Texas Rangers, going out there and taking a giant dump on the field every game. Judging from the first game of the season, the Ballpark in Arlington will be a tremendous compost heap by June. It's a good way to take our minds off of the steroids thing, though. Instead of everyone saying, "Wow, those guys are enormous. I don't believe all these homeruns they're hitting," they'll say, "Good Lord, these guys suck. Did you pay for these tickets? You did? I'm divorcing you."
Now I shall tie this into my own life. Whenever we have a softball game, I wear my Rangers hat. I do this for a few reasons. First, I don't like the company issued hat; it'd be completely impossible to catch a fly ball in it (my ultimate dream). Second, wearing the Rangers hat makes for a truly unfunny joke. During a game, when I inevitably throw the ball over the head of the first basement and into on-coming traffic, I like to point at my hat. If you've ever watched a Rangers game, it makes sense; I really belong in their outfield. There's no way a guy can fall down, drop the ball, strike out, and then assault the umpire as much as I do without getting drafted by them. Unfortunately, my teammates don't seem to get it. Admittedly, it's a terrible joke, but it goes completely unrecognized in a game. Here is my depiction.
(Situation: I have just made an error. The opposing team somehow scores 100 runs off of it.)
Me: Sorry guys, but you should've expected it. *Points to Rangers hat*
People in the dugout: *whispering* What'd he just say? Why is he pointing at his head? Does he have a tumor? *yelling* Hey Cody, why don't you lay down for a minute?
Posted by Cody at April 4, 2006 6:54 PM