Hail storm, 2006! Also, it's my mom's birthday. I've already called my mom today, though, so I'm leaning more towards hail storm for this topic.
At work, we have quite a few people who aren't from Texas. Today, when hail started pelting the ground during a thunderstorm, I heard someone say, "IT'S SNOWING IN APRIL?! It's like 90 degrees out there!"
First, I had no idea that hail was uncommon in other parts of the country. Tell me, do you guys eat as much mustard as we do? Regardless, consider yourselves lucky, rest of the world; hail is terrifying. I'd much rather get struck by lightning than pounded by hail, because at least lightning is over quickly. Also, I bet it's kind of warm. But hail is cold, and after the first hit stuns you, the rest would batter you into some kind of human jelly. That's gross.
Second, I think that confusing hail and snow is pretty funny. It'd be good to take it the other way. You have some guy from Texas who goes up to New England during the winter. He's walking through the parking lot of a store, when he starts seeing those white blobs hurtling towards him. He dives under a car. "IT'S HAILING IN DECEMBER?! Everyone, take cover if you want to survive!"
In other news, I continue to royally screw up my fantasy baseball team. Imagine this. Before the season starts, someone comes up to you and says, "After you draft your team, one member will get his own show on ESPN. Every week, millions of people will tune in just to watch him. Are you excited about this?" You'd probably say yes and then thrust your hips. However, I am here to tell you that in reality, that's an extremely bad turn of events. At least it is if you've drafted Barry Bonds and the show isn't about how great he is, but how steroids have wrecked his career and made him lactose intolerant.
Barry Bonds, even if you took steroids, I refuse to dislike you; I encourage all of my fantasy athletes to dabble in performance enhancers. But no home runs?! If you're not even going to try, then how about you swivel that melon head of yours towards a pitch so I can put you on the DL? The Sobchak Sexmachines need some points, dude. I call on you to deliver.
Posted by Cody at April 20, 2006 5:13 PM