Well, this past weekend marked my first as a temporarily-swingin' bachelor. Not only that, but it was one of those weekends of the magical, three-day kind. How do you celebrate something like that? Well, I'm no expert. In fact, I'm not even a professional; I'm more like one of those confused old ladies at the bingo parlor who can't bring themselves to ante up for multiple cards. Nevertheless, I had a pretty good idea of how to spend the past three days.
Step 1. Find a one stop-light town dangerously close to last year's Memorial Day Nightmare.
Step 2. Find a party in this town with large amounts of crawfish, gin, and fireants.
Step 3. Declare war on all three.
The results? I have one appendage that's swelled up like Andre the Giant's club foot, a pair of kidneys that will need replacing a week sooner than previously thought, and bits and pieces of crawfish that I'll be flossing away for the next 18 months. And, of course, it was all completely phenomenal.
The town was Sour Lake, Texas, and the setting was a party thrown by my uncle's friend, Eldon. I was fortunate enough to be joined by one half of my legal team, Barrister Dean Zyvarb. It's helpful to attend parties with a lawyer in tow. Not only are they all notorious lushes, but they're useful for answering questions like, "Could the host legally imprison me for what I'm about to do?" Also, if some little kid happens to take your seat or eat the last piece of cake, you can have a writ issued to him very quickly. (You can tell I soaked up some of the legal talk too, by my use of the word writ. Prior to last weekend, I thought a writ was a Persian donkey blanket.)
Anyway, Dean and I had a very large time with my uncle and all of his friends at the partay. Should you see a gentlemen in Sour Lake next Memorial Day with a fat, scary, ant-bitten foot and a lawyer in tow, it may be me. Then again, it may also be a doppelganger. The only way to tell will be to break out a jar of cottage cheese.
Posted by Cody at May 30, 2006 5:42 PM