Austin is full of bats. This is something I know, but not something that I have to deal with very often, since I'm an infrequent spelunker (fact check: bats live in spelunking country, do they not?). I bring all of this up because this evening, I was mere centimeters away from having my eyes pecked out by bats. You think I'm joking? I repeat: eyes pecked out.
Here's the story. I drive a convertible. A convertible automobile? No, it's actually a go cart; it's just a little self esteem boost to refer it as a convertible than as my lil' rascal. Anyway, I had the top down this evening and I was tooling about town with a comrade. We neared an intersection and, as I am likely to do, I announced, "Something smells like caca around here." My comrade knew the lay of the land; he was a real nature man. He told me, "That's because there are bats under that bridge." Bats? Ha ha. Right, bats, sure thing, Count Dracula. But then I looked a little closer and I did note many twirpy, swirling birds. To quote Raoul Duke, we were in bat country.
The top down and the bridge was in front of us, but I wasn't scared because the bridge was very tall. I had a bat buffer zone, as I figured out. When we drove under, I tittered and made the appropriate boogety-boogety noises, but I was far from wetting myself. We continued on the road, and the smell began to grow stronger.
"More bats?" I asked. Perhaps I made some fangs using my fingers, I don't exactly remember.
My companion just pointed at another upcoming bridge. This one was much, much, much closer to the ground. Not only that, but it was curvy, so you had to take it slow. Low bridge + curvy + bats should equal me leaving the area, but unfortunately, I drive faster than I think. We drove under the bridge.
It's been about an hour since then, and I've just regained my ability to speak. Good Lord, it was terrifying. Under the bridge, I could only hear chirping and flapping. Perhaps it was a hallucination, but I think I actually felt fluttering on my neck. During all of this, all I could do was form a list of what kind of vampire I'd like to turn into, after the bats had their way with me.
1. Count Chocula
2. The Count from Sesame Street
3. Count Basie
After we went through it, I crept back and looked at the height marker on the bridge: 9 feet, 7 inches. Friends, that 115 inches was nothing but my car, myself, and a crapload of bats. Yeeeeeeeeeeeek. If I appear sleepy tomorrow morning, it's because I stayed up all night looking for punctures and trying to concoct a homeopathic rabies cure.
Posted by Cody at May 31, 2006 8:50 PM