Bull Handles

For reasons I don't completely understand, some people have a hard time remembering cliches. Here's a list of popular misinterpretations.

If you can't beat 'em, ...
... try harder to beat them.
... make them sandwiches. (Psst... poisoned sandwiches.)
... write sternly-worded letters to their parents.
... wet your pants.
... wet their pants.
... wet their parents' pants.
... hide out at the zoo.
... hire Tony Danza as your personal boyguard. Grease him down and point him in their direction.
... eat so much mayonnaise that the slightest bit of personal damage will cause you to spray forth half-digested mayonnaise, like Mt. Vesuvius with condiments instead of lava.
... sneak into their rooms at night with a grizzly bear, then slap the bear on the butt, close the door, and run home.
... plant explosives in their toilets.
... call the Parks and Wildlife Department, and tell a forest ranger that you know of a group who delights in killing bald eagles. Then fill their yards full of bald eagle carcasses.

Take the bull by the ...
... genitalia.
... bull handles (aka genitalia).

Okay, I could do more, but it's Laura's last night in town so I'm going to rock the social scene with her.