Pun Off Prep

The Pun-Off is here in Austin this week. Here is my humble contribution, guaranteed to lower your estimation of me by many, many notches.

Will I be entering?
No, I plan to attend, but I will not be entering. Instead, I will watch while eating fruit.
What kind of fruit?
Punapple.
Anything else?
Pundt cake.
One cake is enough for you?
Oh no, there will also be punnel cake.
Will you be joined by any former Chicago Cubs players?
Shawon Punston will make an appearance, I hear. He's planning on coming to my house afterwards to watch a movie.
What movie?
Punston Checks In. Afterwards, we will read Thucydides to each other.
Thucydides? Which book?
History of the Pelepunnesian War, probably.
If he starts tossing around Shakespeare quotes, what'll you tell him?
Get thee to a punnery, Shawon Dunston.
What's the piece of clothing that you'd be most likely to give him, at the end of the day?
A pair of man-punties. If I know him as well as I think do, man-punties all the way.