Portly, Wiggly Elvis

Clearly I didn't strike it rich in Vegas, as I'm still posting to Goulash. Actually, that's not true. If I did strike it rich in Vegas, I'd still post to Goulash, I'd just be a lot more libelous. I mean really, really, really libelous. Random strangers would read it and file a lawsuit against me. And that'd be just fine because I'd allocate a large portion of my fortune to lawyer fees. Then, I'd segment that into two large subportions, one for Libel lawsuits and the other for the forthcoming Powell v. the Vatican saga. (All I'm saying is, the Da Vinci Code was REAL.)

I went into Vegas a wounded man. I had a cold and then some stitches in my foot (boring story, stepped on glass). Vegas lunges at the lame like a blood-crazed panther and I knew this, yet I decided to injure myself further by reaching into my shaving bag and grabbing a hold of my razor. It did hurt, but for just an instant, I wondered if the blood marks could help me count cards at the blackjack table. Boy, that'd be some inconspicuous card counting as I used my wound to mark signals on the back of the card. Perhaps luckily, I had no time to create such a scheme as Vegas stuck it to me early.

Early, but not often, as I staged a meager $60 rally over the rest of the trip. Whatever. I don't go to Vegas to make money; no no, I go to the blood bank to money. I go to Vegas to do other things, like breathe cigarette smoke, get treated poorly by Eastern Europeans at the roulette table, and of course, to hang out with Fat Elvis. I could devote a whole post to seeing Big E on Tuesday, but I'll keep it to this for right now: he's more of a Portly Elvis now. He's big, sure, but he's a good deal slimmer than he was in the picture on the front page. You know what, I'm going to support that. Even if Fat Elvis isn't really breathtakingly fat anymore, he's still big and now he can get up to wiggle a bit during his songs. He's Portly, Wiggly Elvis, which is more of a mouthful, but still worth watching.

Anyway, I'm back and we all had a good time.

Posted by Cody at August 3, 2006 8:44 PM