Save the Plutonians

Pluto's not a planet? PLUTO'S NOT A FRIGGIN PLANET? What's next, these fancypants scientists say that the platypus isn't an actual species? That they messed up the gravitational constant and we all should be floating around in space right now? That alchemy does, in fact, exist, and since the scientists made all of this gold already, we're now expected to be their slaves? The whole thing stinks!

I've had the above conversation, well really just the first two lines, with a few people lately. It seems to me that everyone has a soft spot for Pluto. Why? I came up with a few reasons. First, it's tiny. Small things are cute (eg, Emmanuel Lewis from Webster). Second, it's really far away and we don't know very much about it. Distant, unknown, exotic objects are also cute (eg, Pygmies, which are also tiny). Third, and perhaps the most obvious reason, is the cartoon character, who is also cute. You combine those three, and Pluto is the most adorable thing in the universe; it's the astronomical equivalent of a monkey dressed up like a cowboy. Issue settled.

Wait, issue not actually settled. Remember the Powell Scale? Pluto's rating on the Powell Scale is -50 urinary tract infections. The preceding statement shows a recent breakthrough I had with the scale: just like in real math, when you subtract negative things, you get positives. Just thinking out loud here, but perhaps one day, the schools of the world will use the Powell Scale to teach about the number line. Not bad for a website with 2.8 regular visitors!

I was thinking about doing a whole, whiney thing about the ban regarding carrying on liquids to planes, but I'll skip it. It was a load of hippopotamus feces, both literally and in terms of the Powell Scale.

Speaking of other loads of hippo feces, I have nothing to do with the email from my email address that's advertising mail-order doctorates. Trust me here, Internet; if you want a doctorate from Goulash U, you're going to earn it the hard way. And by the hard way, I mean you'll just have to pay me a little.

Posted by Cody at August 15, 2006 6:32 PM